Judas

I thought he was a man
after my own heart -
a rebel-rouser;
a crusader;
a man I could look up to;
a leader I could follow.
He had it all -
charisma;
oratory;
people skills.
Yes.
He was the man.
He could lead us
to victory.
So
I joined his group.
I became his disciple.
I watched
and
I waited
with increasing anticipation.
I could see his strategy,
his plans.
To be sure,
they weren’t the same old
tried and tested plans
but, then again,
these old plans had failed.
Something new was needed.
He saw that
and I admired him for it.
I didn’t quite see
how it would all work
but
he seemed to know what he was doing.
He seemed to have the confidence.
You should have seen
how he stood up
to the Pharisees;
to the Sadducees;
to the Teachers of the Law.
Wow.
This was revolution.
This was exciting.
First the Church.
Next the Romans.
Then the world…
I so wanted to be part of it
and
I was.
So what,
I kept a little money
for myself.
Just insurance.
Just for a rainy day.
One had to be prepared.
One had to look after Number One.
That was always the first rule;
Always understood.
And anyway
the others didn’t seem to object.
At least, they never mentioned it if they did.
And then
he started talking
about going to Jerusalem.
There was a new determination in him
and I knew
this was it -
the climax;
the beginning.
A new world beckoned.
The atmosphere became
tense;
apprehensive
but
exciting.
We entered Jerusalem
and
all the people rose up
shouting;
singing
Hosanna;
Hallelujah…
Yes,
this was it.
Onwards
and upwards.
But then
it all changed.
He started going on
about dying;
about death.
Had he lost the will to fight?
Had his courage failed him?
Had he admitted defeat
even before he had tried?
No.
No, no, no!
He couldn’t stop now.
I wouldn’t let him.
He needed spurring on.
He needed provoking.
He needed stirring into action
one last time.
I thought of a plan.
Who were his worst critics?
Who hated him most?
- the Chief Priests.
I would go to them.
That would make him fight.
Surely,
that would make him rise up.
I will go tonight.

© Kathleen Wilks